PROLOGUE
I
saw him first.
It
shamed me to think it then, it shames me to think it now.
But
that’s what the truth does to you sometimes. It shames you because
it’s only in the truth that you realize how human you really are.
What a raw, devastating thing that is, to embrace your humanity and
learn to live with all your sharp points, the hollow places, the
cracks and the crevices. To be utterly real. To be terribly flawed.
Those
cracks had always been forming inside me, slowly making their way to
the surface over the years. In my family, there wasn’t much you
could do but try and hold yourself together, to stick glue on your
wounds, to paste over the imperfections. But the cracks still grew,
until all of us were held together by crumbling cement, just statues
waiting to collapse.
That
was years and years ago. I was just twenty-two at the time. A baby.
I’m still a baby in the grand scheme of things, but there’s
something precious about your early twenties, where you think you’re
so much older, bigger, than you are, where life is just about to
deliver the crushing blows that will knock you off your feet for the
rest of your days. The small things become the big things and the big
things become the small things and you aren’t quite sure when they
made the switch.
But
in the end, I saw him first. He was mine, even before he knew it. He
was mine in some strange way that I still don’t understand. The
only way I can think of to explain it is…
You
just know.
There
are moments in your life, people in your life, that when they cross
your path and meet your eye, you know. Maybe it’s all in the
chemistry, certain pheromones that react when they mix together,
maybe it’s a smell that triggers a memory, maybe it’s a glimpse
at a future you don’t recognize or a hint at the past, a life
you’ve lived and forgotten. Whatever it is, you know that moment,
that person, is going to shape you for the rest of your life.
That’s
what it was like when I saw him. Standing over by the windows and
staring out Lake Michigan, like he was wishing he could be anywhere
but there.
I
wished the same. My mother’s the deputy mayor of Chicago and this
was another one of her fundraisers I felt obliged to attend. It was
tradition in my family, for my father, for me, for my sister, to show
up and wave the flag of support. It didn’t seem to matter that the
stuffy politicians that surrounded these events never paid me any
attention. And if they did, it was the wrong kind of attention,
always the sixty-year-old man leering after the young thing with the
nice smile.
Luckily
I didn’t smile all that often. My resting bitch face took over
whenever I was deep in thought, which was pretty much all the time.
But
this guy…I felt a kinship with him. I felt like I knew exactly what
he was thinking, feeling, and that it was completely wrapped up in
and connected to everything that was going through me.
I
don’t know where I found the nerve to go over and talk to him. He
seemed so much older, not quite the sixty-year-old politicians I was
used to seeing, but maybe in his early-thirties. More than that,
there was some kind of aura around him. Sounds stupid, I know.
Whatever it was, it was like he belonged in some whole other universe
than here, a star on earth, permanently grounded and yearning to be
in the sky.
It
was usually Juliet’s job to go around and make everyone feel warm
and comfortable at these events—hell, in every event—but she
wasn’t here yet. And though I could have easily stayed in the
shadows, I was pulled to him, like he had a wave of gravity whirling
around him.
I
remember what I was wearing. Strappy flats because I hated wearing
heels, a knee-length cocktail dress in emerald green, sleeveless,
high-neck. It made me look older and I wore it because my mother
always wanted me to look like a lady.
With
a glass of champagne in hand, I made my way over to the windows, my
heart racing the closer I got to him. He looked taller up close, well
over six feet. His shoulders were broad, like a swimmer’s, and
suddenly I had a vision of him diving into the lake. The navy blue
suit he was wearing looked well-tailored but he seemed uncomfortable
in it, like he couldn’t wait to get rid of it.
I
stood beside him for a moment, following his gaze out the window. He
seemed lost in his thoughts but out of my peripheral his head tilted
slightly and he brought his eyes over to me while I kept staring at
that wide expanse of water, stretching out to the horizon.
“Can’t
wait to get out of here?” I asked, but though my tone was mild, my
delivery was bold. It was as if someone else had taken a hold of my
body, forcing me to speak. I slowly turned my head to meet his eyes.
I
was taken aback for a second. He was staring at me like he knew me,
even though I’d never seen him before. Then again, I was sure I’d
been staring at him in the same way. That feeling of knowing. He knew
me, I knew him, and who the hell knows how that was possible.
His
eyes were brown—are brown—dark with currents of gold and amber,
giving them beautiful clarity. Slightly almond shaped. His brows were
also dark, arched, adding to the intensity of his gaze. He’s the
type of guy whose eyes latch onto you, dig deep, trying to sift
through the files of your life, see who you really are.
“How
did you know?” he asked, a full-on Australian accent rumbling
through his gruff voice. It made my stomach flip, my core smolder.
How
deed you now,
is what it sounded like. Funny how I stopped hearing the accent after
time.
I
gave a half shrug and looked back to the party. More people had
flooded the room, mingling around the appetizers. My mother was in
the corner, a crowd of politicians around her. She didn’t see me.
She never did.
“Because
I think I’d rather be in the middle of Lake Michigan too,” I told
him, “then be stuck here with all these people.”
“These
people,” he repeated. My focus was drawn to his lips, full, wide,
tilting up into a smirk. Beneath them was a strong chin and even
sharper jaw, dusted with a five o’clock shadow that seemed
permanent, like the man couldn’t get a clean shave even if he
tried. “How do you know I’m not one of these people?”
“Because
you’re over here and not over there. How come you keep answering my
questions with more questions?”
He
studied me for a moment. My blood pounded in my head and I felt a
giddy kind of thrill at how this was progressing. If anything, I was
proud for holding my own with this handsome stranger. He was the
first man I ever really felt at ease with.
He
cleared his throat, offered me a quick smile before he nodded at the
lake, his hands sliding into his pockets. “She almost looks like
the ocean, doesn’t she?”
“Not
quite the same as Australia, I would imagine.”
“No
hiding this accent, is there?” He glanced at me and stuck out his
hand, which I shook for a moment, warm palm to warm palm. “I’m
Logan Shepard. Australian. And the reason I’m here is because I was
invited by a friend of mine. I’m only in town for a few days and he
didn’t want to go alone. He’s over there.” He nodded at a tall
black man in the corner, listening intently to another man.
“Warren Jones,”
he said, as if I should know him. Perhaps I should. He probably
thought I was one
of them.
“He’s local and the key piece to my investment.”
I
wasn’t one for business talk—I never had anything to contribute
other than lamenting student loans—but I wanted him to keep
talking. “What’s your investment?”
“Starting
my own hotel,” he said. “In Hawaii. Have you ever been there?”
“Once.
When I was eight. I think we were in Honolulu. I remember a city,
anyway. Waikiki Beach.”
“This
hotel is in Kauai. The Garden Isle. Went there once as a teenager and
couldn’t get it out of my mind.”
I
didn’t know the right things to say. I wanted to ask more about the
hotel, what it means when you have an investor, but I didn’t want
to appear dumb. I kept my mouth shut.
“You
haven’t introduced yourself,” he said. “Protecting a secret
identity?”
I
smiled, close-lipped. “Not really. I’m Veronica Locke. American.
And I unfortunately I don’t have much else to add to that.”
“Locke?”
he repeated, eyes darting to my mother. “Are you the daughter of
the deputy mayor, Rose Locke?”
“One
of them,” I told him.
He
nodded quickly. “I see. No wonder you’d rather be in the middle
of the bloody lake. I bet you have to do this stuff all the time.”
“It’s
not so bad.” I took a sip of my drink so I didn’t have to say
anything more and looked away at the crowd. The bubbles teased my
nose, making my eyes water.
I
could feel his gaze on me as he spoke. “I’m sure you have plenty
more to say about yourself though. Where do you work? Student?”
“Culinary
arts,” I told him. “I’m one of those crazy people who dream of
being a chef one day.”
He
frowned. “Why is that crazy?”
I
gave him a look, forgetting that most people have no idea how hard it
is. “Because it’s a long road, long hours, and nothing is
guaranteed. People think being a chef is easy. They see Gordon Ramsey
or Nigella Lawson and think it’s all fame and food and money and
they have no idea what it’s really like. I’m not even out of
school and already I feel half-beaten.”
He
was still frowning. He did that a lot, I would soon learn. “Sounds
like life to me.” His eyes dropped to my lips and something
intensely carnal came over them, like suddenly I was the food, not
the wannabe chef. “Did you want to get a drink somewhere. After
this? When you’ve done your daughterly duties?”
I
swallowed hard. I didn’t know what a drink meant. Just a drink? A
date? Was it sex? I started going through my head, trying to think of
reasons why it was a bad idea. My legs were shaved, did my bra and
underwear match? Did I have a condom? I had taken the pill this
morning, even though my last boyfriend and I had broken up months
ago. I hadn’t been with a guy, let alone a man, in a long time.
Don’t
flatter yourself,
I quickly thought. What
makes you think he’d be interested in you that way?
“Yes,”
I said when I finally found my voice. “Yes, I would like that.”
A
spark flashed in his eyes, lighting them up in such a way that made
my toes literally curl. Damn. I was in trouble with this man. “Any
way you can get out of your duties sooner?” he asked.
I
couldn’t help but smile, raising my brow at his presumptuousness,
while simultaneously trying to hide the fact that I was freaking out.
I looked around the room and tried to judge how likely it was that
someone would notice if I was gone. My mom was still surrounded by a
wall of people and no one was paying any attention to us, standing by
the windows, already removed.
A
sad thought hit me, sliding past before I could really dwell on it:
no
one even notices when I’m here.
“If
we’re quick and sneaky,” I told him.
“Being
quick isn’t in my repertoire,” he said, “but I could give it a
shot.”
Again.
Damn. I wasn’t one to blush but I could feel my cheeks heating up
and hoped my skin supressed the flush. He was so much older than me
in so many ways, the last thing I wanted was to appear the naïve
schoolgirl.
And
I didn’t know what to say to that. He was staring at me with those
dark eyes, a look so intense yet sparkling with charm and
something…wicked.
I’d
never find out how wicked they could be.
“Ronnie!”
A melodic, ultra-feminine voice sliced through the moment like an
unwieldy machete, causing me to flinch, my fingers tightening around
the stem of the glass.
Oh
no,
I thought. Not
now.
Logan’s
head swiveled toward the sound of the voice, like a hound picking up
a scent. I didn’t bother looking over, I kept my focus on him,
watching his expression intently. It changed, as I knew it would.
She
had walked into the room.
He
saw her.
And
like it was for so many men, that look of lust I had thought was for
me, was now for her.
That’s
when I knew it was over. Whatever thing I had felt for him, it didn’t
matter anymore, not when she was in the room. Nothing ever mattered
as long as she was around.
I
might have saw him first.
But
he was all hers after that.
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